Motley Crue

For pure debauchery nobody beats Motley Crue. They've lived to tell the tale and reunited for a world tour in 2005. Tommy Lee is a great drummer and Nikki Sixx an excellent bassist. They've also had a ton of commercial success and great songs like "Girls Girls Girls," "Shout At The Devil" and "Kickstart My Heart."  

 

 

That's what I'm talkin' about!!!!

 

HOOK

Plain Jane.

 One-second duration, nice resonant reverberation, and pungent odor cloud with a nearly instantaneous 5-foot radius. Your standard, everyday, friendly fart.

Beefy One.

Sounds loud and butch, e.g., 'BRAAAMMPPP!' Smells like a cross between a decaying meadow muffin on a hot day and a fresh dog-turd.

Eggy.

Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster (see below).

Bunbuster.

'Sounds something like a Beefy One, except much more sudden and much more powerful. May smell either eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

Ripper.

Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.

Diesel.

Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes. Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'

 

 

Gunshot.

Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare but, like guns, very dangerous.

Squeaky.

Puny and unsatisfying. Sounds a bit like a muffled 'Wheeeek,' but smells foul.

Worrier.

The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage, matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the first possible opportunity.

 

 

Poopie Prelude.

It feels like it's going to be a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny little squeaker fart plus the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

 

Present.

The type of fart that seems harmless, but then brings a small poop as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet and give thanks you weren't in a business meeting or job interview when it happened. If you were, you're screwed.

Burble.

Bubbly! Sometimes messy too.

 

 

SBD

(Silent But Deadly). Totally inaudible but somehow causes all the occupants in a room to collapse. Smell is undefined because nasal investigators haven't had time to analyze the odor before passing out. (This one is also known as SBL: Silent But Lethal and Toxic Assassin.)

GNL

(Gambled 'n' Lost). You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but tragically come to realize that this is much more than a fart... Next big gamble: do you put your underpants in the laundry basket and hope your wife won't notice, do you wash 'em out yourself, or do you throw 'em away?

Hydrated.

The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.

Not Now Please!

You feel the presence of a mighty fart but are unable to release it due to your situation (first date, new customer, important business meeting, etc.). You clench your buttocks together so hard you nearly have a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends upon a number of factors, but in the end you're probably going to have to face the music (literally). Or you can try the stealth approach (see below).

Who, Me?

You let it out as silently as possible and nobody hears it. You discreetly take deep sniffs and smell nothing. You think you got away with it. But 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everybody starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

Waker-Upper.

The first fart of the morning. All that broccoli, beans, and beer you had for dinner last night has decayed and fermented into about 1,000 ml of noxious gas just dying to escape from your rectum. Whether you let go under the covers when you first wake up or hold it until you're taking your early morning pee, releasing that first fart of the day feels oh, so good and sets the tone for the whole day.

Electrical.

Sound like they have some juice in them.

Dutch Oven.

A fart you make in bed -- any kind at all -- followed up by holding your partner's head under the bedclothes so that he/she can get the full effect of it. Good for moving a stalled divorce process along. Very bad early in your marriage.

 

 

Pardon Me

HOOK

Lil tagged me, I'll play along, but you people may not want to read what follows.

Shrinky, I owe you one, and it's not going to be pretty.

 

1. Dated outside your race?

A hot little Mexican chick in high school.

2. Singing in the shower?

Not alone, does moaning count??

3. Spit in someone’s drink?

No, but I peed in someones beer once, on their birthday, and he drank it.

4. Played with Barbies?

Tore the heads off my sister's barbies, is that playing...or do I need therapy??

5. Made someone cry?

Every chance I get.

6. Opened your Christmas presents early?

Every time.

7. Lied to a friend?

Friends, what are those?? Maybe I should lie and say I have a friend.

8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera?

It was so effin painful I can't talk about it.

9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours?

Does cybering with Mizmace count??

10. Ran through the sprinklers naked?

Yes.

11. Ate food that fell on the floor?

Is there any other way??

12. Went outside naked?

A guy's got to do, what a guy's got to do.

13. Been on stage?

Yes

14. Been on stage naked or close to it?

Close to it, does just the lower half count?? 8======D

15. Been in a parade?

I was the Queen.

16. Been in a school play?

Yes, I was the Queen.

17. Drank beer?

One time only.

18. Gotten detention?

19 times only...in one semester.

19. Been on a cruise?

Does the Navy count??

20. Broken into a house?

Which time, you accusing me of something?

21. Gotten a tattoo?

Not yet, I have a coupon for one though.

22. Gotten piercings?

Yes. Gotta love the prince.

23. Gotten into a fist fight?

As a rule.

24. Gotten into a shouting match?

Another rule.

25. Swallowed sea/pool water?

And some pee I think.

26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?

I'm spinning now.......weeeeee...................kajfuyhdghjsmdji )(*^&$%^#

27. Laughed so hard it hurt?

Nurse does that to me all the time.

28. Tripped on your own feet?

Not so much now, when I was younger.

29. Cried yourself to sleep?

No, men don't cry.

30. Cried in public?

See #29.

31. Thrown up in public?

More times than I can count.

32. Lied to your parents?

Yes, but it never worked out well.

 

33. Skipped class?

Entire quarters.

34. Cried so hard you threw up?

See #29.

 

35. Had a one night stand?

Only when Nursey is working.

36. Left restaurant without paying tab?

Yes, but it wasn't my idea. 

37. Been Fired from a job?

Yes, but it wasn't my idea.

38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairldresser?

Yes, until she invited me to her cabin and said her husband would be there.

39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar?

Yeah ..see #35.

40. Been winked at and loved it?

Yes, the winking seems corny, they should just grope me.

 

Now I have to tag 3 people.

I choose......

http://cantgetenuff.blogstream.com/

Macey

http://luciferscoming.blogstream.com/

Lucifer

http://crazy50andcounting.blogstream.com/

Sherry

 

Shrinky, you suck!!